Penny For Your Thoughts
by BelieveInNargles13
Summary: When Jennifer becomes uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn after the events in the precinct in 4x09, Duke confronts her about what actually happened and what had caused her hallucinations. Jennifer opens up to Duke about a past relationship that caused her current insecurities.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**_I decided to use some of the things that Jennifer said/heard/did while under the influence of the black things in her brain to put together a past for her. Obviously I have no affiliation with the TV show and therefore no idea if any of it is true or not._

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**Penny for your thoughts**

Duke was trying to clean up the mess in his boat left courtesy of Dwight's earlier rampage, searching for evidence of Duke's involvement of the missing troubled people. He really wasn't sure where half this stuff had come from or where it was supposed to go. It was easily going to take him the rest of the evening to get his boat back to its previous status

"Why am I not making Dwight help with all this? What do you say we go grab a quick dinner at the Gull and leave this disaster for tomorrow?"

He didn't get a response like he was expecting. He turned around to where Jennifer had been sitting just moments ago, going through the box of item belonging to her biological parents once again, scrutinizing everything for information on who they might be. She wasn't there anymore.

"Jennifer?" Duke went above deck, thinking he might know where she had gotten to. Sure enough, he found her sitting on the bow of the Cape Rouge with her legs hanging over the edge. It was a location she took over often when she wanted some time to herself to think. He paused for a moment, taking in the beauty of the sight in front of him. The breeze rustled her curly, dark hair. She was staring aimlessly off into the sunset, the colors of which reflected off her light skin. He could tell by her body language that she was deep in thought. He usually let her be when she was in this mode, but after today's events he thought she might need someone to talk to.

He dug through his pockets and pulled out a small object before walking over to her. He sat down next to her with his legs over the edge and leaned onto the metal rail, mirroring Jennifer's position. Staring off into the distance, he handed her the object. She took it and he didn't have to look at her to know the confused she was giving him.

He turned to her. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled at him, but it quickly faded. She fiddled with the shiny coin. "What is this, Duke?"

"It's a penny. The most useless coin ever unless you want to flatten it on a train track or are wondering what someone is thinking about."

"You know that's not what I mean, Duke." His joke didn't provoke even the slightest smile from her. He knew something was seriously bothering her this time and that his decision to approach her and ask about it had been a good one. "I mean this," she motions back and forth between the two of them. "Us. We save Audrey and you ask me to stay instead of go back to Boston. I move into your boat, then you try and push me away, but then we sleep together. For all intents and purposes we are basically a couple who is already living together. But where is this going when in reality we barely know each other? I know I must sound even more crazy than usual right now but I have this habit of always going for the guys who are complete jerks and just want to use me, so I promised myself that next time I got serious with a guy that he would want to get serious with me too, because I don't think I can go through that all again."

When she finally paused for a breath, Duke was lost. He knew she was making some sense. There was a lot they still didn't know about each other. But he wanted to learn everything. He began, "Jennifer, I-," but he wasn't really certain what he was planning to say.

She saved him from having to come up with a response by shaking her head. "Never mind. Like I said, I'm being more insane than usual. Forget I said anything."

She handed the penny back to Duke and started to stand up, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. She tensed. "Hey," interjected Duke, "wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with what happened earlier today? What exactly did that thing in your brain do to you?" He slid his hand down her arm and clasped her hand. "You can talk to me you know. There may be a lot we don't know about each other yet, but I do care about you and I want to learn everything. You can trust me."

Jennifer settled back into her previous position, clinging tightly onto Duke's hand. "It made me see things. You, mostly. Only, not really you. You were saying things to me I don't think you'd ever really say, but at the time it seemed so real."

"What kind of things did I say?"

"You spoke about how crazy I am. You were telling me that, now that we've found Audrey, I was no longer needed in Haven and you thought the best thing to do would be to take me back to the psych ward where I belong-," she cut her sentence off quickly and looked over at Duke.

"Yeah," he replied, immediately knowing why she stopped so abruptly. "I caught the 'back to' part. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but I am here to listen." He took his other hand and placed it over the two clasped tightly together between them.

She sighed, not really wanting to think back to the times where she seriously began questioning her own sanity, but at the same time, needing Duke to know and convince her she wasn't crazy. "Back when I first started hearing the voices, I had been going out with this guy for about a year. I don't know how or why I stayed with him for so long. He was an abusive jerk who cheated on me multiple times. But he told me he loved me and I guess I believed him." Duke's hands tightened around hers, not wanting to believe that anyone would treat her that way.

She continued, "I started hearing what I now know was the barn, but at first just sounded like voices repeating the same things over and over and over again." She was staring out into the distance, no longer aware of her surroundings, but lost back in her memories. "I did my best to hide it from him because I knew he'd be angry with me. I went to my doctor and saw a psychiatrist, who prescribed me some medication. But it didn't work. I was still hearing things. After a while I had just had enough. I took a pill, and then I took another one, and when that didn't help I took another, and another. The next thing I knew the bottle, which had been full enough to last a few more weeks, was completely empty. I wasn't trying to kill myself per se, but I really wanted the voices to stop. I remember feeling a moment of peace and acceptance right before I lost consciousness.

"I woke up alone in the psych ward of a nearby hospital. I had no idea what had happened or where I was. I was terrified and confused, and it was a horrifying experience. I had to stay there for a couple weeks until they finally found the right medication to make the voices stop and decided I was no longer a threat to myself. When I was released, I went back to our old apartment. My boyfriend had put all my stuff in the hallway and changed the locks. Apparently when he found me unconscious on our bedroom floor he had the decency to take me to the hospital, but not to stick around and make sure I was okay. That was when I promised myself I would treat myself better, including when it came to the guys I dated."

Duke put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him, and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. I'm sorry you had to go through all of it alone. But you know the truth now. You're not crazy. You're connected to the barn. We might not know how or why yet, but we'll figure it out. Together."

She leaned her head against his shoulder and he felt her nod. "Have you talked to Nathan yet? Is Audrey okay?"

"She's fine. A bit shaken up about everything. She hasn't said much to Nathan about what actually happened after she left the station with William."

"Do you think she'll be up to visitors in the morning? I want to apologize for the things I said to her earlier."

"Yeah. You did kind of freak out on her. What was that about?"

Jennifer sat up, pulling away from Duke, and leaned forward onto the boat's railing again.

"You again. Or more specifically you and her. Your feelings for her. And don't try to tell me I'm being paranoid or anything like that about this. I'd agree with you, but it's not just coming out of nowhere because there is obviously a history there. I mean, you jumped into a dying barn to try and save her, not knowing if it would just kill you or not."

Duke took a deep breath and made sure to look at her as he spoke. "I'm not going to lie to you. I care about Audrey and probably always will. And if I had the choice to do the whole barn thing all over again, I would do it the exact same way."

Jennifer dropped her head and turned slightly away from him. "Duke, I'm not going to stick around if I'm just your consolation prize while Nathan gets the girl you want."

Duke grabbed her chin and turned her back towards him. She didn't meet his eyes. "You didn't let me finish. I don't regret jumping into that barn. If I hadn't, I never would have met you." He caught her gaze. "A part of me will always care about Audrey. But I care about you too. A lot. A lot more than I ever thought I would when you walked into my hospital room wearing that silly, yet adorable, hat and claiming to be my sister. You make me feel something I never felt before. Not with Audrey, or my ex-wife, or anyone I thought I cared about before. It's like a piece of me was missing before I found you."

Jennifer smiled and began to laugh. "You know how cheesy that sounds, right?"

Duke had to laugh as well. "Yes. Yes I do. But that doesn't make it any less true. You're sweet, and funny, and beautiful. You're the kind of girl any guy should feel lucky and humbled to be with. My only fear in this relationship is that I don't deserve you."

He was relieved as he saw a small smile spread across her face. She averted her eyes from him again and looked down at their hands, which had found their way to an interlocked position again. "No one's ever called me 'beautiful' before," she admitted quietly.

Duke used his free hand to brush her hair out of her face and behind her ear, and then rested his hand on the side of her head. When she looked up at him he said, "You _are _beautiful. Don't listen to what any of your exes have told you or what anyone might try and make you believe. Know that you are beautiful. And if you ever forget. I'll be right here to remind you." He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

When he pulled away, Jennifer looked up at him. "So you're not secretly in love with Audrey?"

He looked her dead in the eye. "No."

Before she asked him her next question, she started smiling in what was supposed to be a joking manner. But the tears that had welled up in her eyes told Duke that this was the issue that had truly been bothering her for a long time. Longer than he could possibly imagine. "And you don't think I'm crazy?"

He leaned forward and took her lips with his. As he kissed her deeply, he felt the tears rolling down her cheeks falling onto his hand, which was still resting on her cheek. He forced himself to pull away from her so he could give his answer. He rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes remained closed, but his were taking in every inch of her face. Her eyelashes had begun to clump together with tears and black streaks were slowly running down her cheeks. Despite how low the sun had set, he could see red splotches forming on her face as she tried to hold back the rest of the tears threatening to fall. She still looked beautiful. How no one had ever told her before was baffling to him. He would be sure to make up for that.

He answered her question, "No. Not at all."

Any walls Jennifer had been trying to construct between herself and Duke completely crumbled as she broke down into tears of relief. Duke pulled her into his chest and tried to calm her by stroking her hair and rubbing her back, but knew she had been holding onto these fears for far too long. She had to go through this and he had to allow it to happen. So he just held her tiny, shaking body against his chest. The sun had long set when Jennifer finally calmed down again. They sat on the ship for a little while longer in silence, staring out at the sea and the stars.

Duke looked over at Jennifer's head cradled into his shoulder. Her eyes were closed. Her breathing slow. She was sound asleep. He didn't blame her. It had been a long day for the both of them, but for her especially. He wrapped his arms around her waist and under her knees and lifted her up. She only stirred to curl even further into him as he carried her back to the bed they had shared together what seemed like so long ago, and yet had only been last night. She slept through the night with her head pillowed against his chest, and he could not remember ever feeling so happy or whole before.

Back on the bow of the Cape Rouge, a shiny penny fell off the edge of the boat and into the sea. Neither of them would miss it. The thoughts Jennifer had shared with Duke had been worth so much more than what a simple penny would have covered. But they still weren't worth nearly as much as what Duke had given to her that night. Peace of mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** _Apparently this is going to become a series of one shots with the theme of 'penny for your thoughts' intertwined throughout them all. This here is just a little short one that I wanted to post earlier since we didn't have an episode on Friday, but my laptop wasn't letting me connect to the internet. But anyway. In this fic, Duke has a nightmare and it's Jennifer's turn to give him some piece of mind._

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When Duke awoke his heart was still racing. He sat up and took a deep breath, passing his hands through his hair. He looked down at Jennifer, eyes closed, breathing shallow, lightly snoring, still sleeping soundly next to him. He relaxed. She was still there and she was fine. He carefully settled back down next to her. He didn't want to wake her, but he needed to feel her against him to make sure she was real and his nightmare was just that. A nightmare.

Sometime during the night Jennifer had turned away from him. He slid closer to her until his body was flush against hers. He nuzzled his nose into the back of her head, closing his eyes while taking in the scent of her shampoo and the feeling of her messy bedhead tickling against his face. He tried to carefully wrap his arms around her waist without waking her.

He failed.

Jennifer's eyes slowly fluttered open as he pulled her body even closer to his. She turned her head towards him and smiled before wiggling around in his arms to face him. She dropped her head against his chest.

"What time is it?" she mumbled. Still half asleep.

"Early," Duke replied, pushing her hair out of her face.

She tilted her head up look up at him. With a wrinkled nose and furrowed eyebrows she asked, "Mmmm… Why?"

He had to laugh. Jennifer was not much of a morning person. "No reason. Go back to sleep."

She must have seen something in his eyes. He had expected her to just set her head back down on his chest and be asleep again in ten seconds flat, but instead she sat up a little more and examined his face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he lied. "Just go back to sleep." His eyes flicked across her face and rested on the side of her neck. While the cut that Wade had inflicted on her there had mostly healed, a faint scar remained. You would never notice it if you weren't specifically looking for it, but to Duke it stood out like a trail of blood on otherwise undisturbed, crystal white snow. A permanent reminder of the time he had failed to protect her.

"You don't seem fine. What was it you said to me the other night? 'Penny for your thoughts'?"

He smiled down at her. "If I recall correctly, I actually gave you a penny for those."

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have pockets full of change in my pajamas. And I'm sure as hell not getting out of this warm, comfy bed to go find one. I guess I'll just have to owe you."

"I underpaid that night anyway."

"Then why don't you start making up for it by telling me what's bothering you. This trust thing goes both ways, you know."

He sighed. She was relentless and wasn't going to let him change the subject. And the journalist in her knew all the right things to say and questions to ask to get him talking. He did trust her.

He placed his hand on the side of her neck and stroked the scar. "I was having a dream. Wade was still alive and he attacked you. Just like before. Only this time I didn't get there in time to stop him. I couldn't protect you. I didn't mean to wake you up, but I needed to feel you close to me to make sure you were alright."

Jennifer wrapped her arms and legs around him and planted a light kiss on his chest, resting her hand over the one he had on her neck. "I'm right here. You did get there in time to keep Wade from doing whatever he might have done to me. And you've saved me many times since then as well."

"You still got hurt." His fingers continued to stroke the area of the injury.

"It was only a scratch."

"I don't like to see you hurt at all. I don't know what I'll do if you're ever in danger and I can't get there quick enough to keep you safe."

She pulled away from him and gave him and annoyed look. "What?! You think that I can't protect myself? That since I'm small and a girl I need a big, strong man to be constantly around to protect me from the evils of the world?"

He was shocked by her sudden outburst. "What? No! That's not what I was saying! Of course you can! What I meant was…"

Apparently she could no longer keep up the angry act in the face of his puzzlement, because at that moment she burst out laughing. "I'm kidding, Duke! I think it's sweet that you want to protect me. But you need to keep in mind that you're not the only one responsible for my safety. I am too. You had Wade locked up on the boat. _I_ was the one who let him out, giving him the opportunity to attack me."

"You didn't know he was dangerous."

"Nevertheless, I should have questioned how he had managed to lock himself up more than I did. If I had paused for even a minute, you would have been back in time to stop me. That was on me. Not you."

"I just don't like thinking about how close he came to killing you, like he did with all the other troubled people."

Then don't think about it. It's over now. And I'm fine. And I mean actually fine. Not the lying, I-don't-want-to-talk-to-my-girlfriend-about-my-feelings kind of fine."

Duke smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Sorry. I've never been good at this sharing thing."

"I know." Jennifer placed her head against his chest again and her eyes were beginning to close. Duke ran his fingers through her hair. "But the fact that you're trying means a lot." She nestled into him even further and closed her eyes completely.

He took another moment to just watch her as she drifted back to sleep. He knew she was right. Although it was still hard for him to fully expose himself to another person emotionally, he had never truly wanted to before she had entered his life. He may never understand how their connection had become so strong so quickly, but he does know that he would risk anything and everything to keep her safe and next to him.

Before she fell asleep, she said, "Come to think of it, I really don't have the best track record with staying out of danger in this town, do I? Between almost getting incinerated in a coffee shop, your brother, and strange black things in my head making me paranoid, it's pretty impressive I'm still in one piece. So while I _can _take care of myself, just don't go too far away, okay?"

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

He kept his arms tightly around her, fingers entwined in her hair, as he too closed his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** _Takes place between 411 and 412. Spoilers for the season 4 finale._

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Jennifer shivered at the cool breeze that hit her as Duke lifted the covers to climb into bed behind her. A small smile crept over her face as he fit himself around her like a puzzle piece. The smile widened as she went to press her toes, which were ice cold as always, against his bare legs.

"Jeez!" he exclaimed and jerked back from her briefly, shocked by the extreme difference of temperature, before returning to his position right up against her and burying her toes between his calves. He wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her hands, rubbing her also cold fingers between his palms. He brought both sets of hands to his mouth, warming hers further with his breath and lips. "You know, for someone with such a big heart and tiny body, your circulation sucks."

She knew. Her toes and fingers, and to be honest pretty much the rest of her as well, were always cold. That was one of the things that made her and Duke such a good match. She ran on the cold side, and he ran on the hot side. When they were in each other's arms, they were both comfortable.

Jennifer sighed and closed her eyes as Duke started placing his lips lightly over her neck and back. She opened her eyes and caught sight of Unstake My Heart resting on her bedside table. She breathed a different kind of sigh, a more stressed and frustrated one, as she contemplated the book in front of her.

Duke placed a final kiss just behind her ear as he felt the tension increase within her. "Penny for your thoughts?" She could hear the smile in his voice as she felt the vibrations of his question against her skin.

She turned towards him to look into his eyes. "If we keep asking each other that were both going to go broke."

"The way I see it, if we keep asking each other that we're going to replenish the other's penny supplies, so no real harm done." He tucked a curl behind her ear. "Now, stop evading and tell me what's on that pretty little mind of yours."

Her smile slowly faded as she fixated her gaze at a point on the wall just behind Duke. "What do you think it means?"

"What do I think what means?"

"This." She reached behind her and grabbed the book, holding it between them. "_The child of ruin,_" she quoted. "We all know it has to mean me since I'm the only one who can see the thing. But what does it _mean_? The _child _of _ruin,_" she emphasized the words that had been bouncing around her mind ever since they had first appeared. "Does it mean that I come from a time or a place of ruin? Were my parents people who caused ruin? Or," she hesitated and swallowed hard. "Or will I be the cause of some horrible destruction here in Haven?"

Duke placed his hand on the side of her neck and leaned in to kiss her. As he pulled away he took the book out of her hands. "You know what I think?" She shook her head. "I think," he reached over her and placed the book back on the table, "that is something to worry about another night." He rested his head on his pillow, eyes even with and looking into hers. His hand had found its way back to her neck. His thumb stroked her cheek. "You've had a long day. Between what happened at the Herald and then defeating that creature." He kissed her forehead. "Get some rest. We can worry about the rest of it in the morning."

He was right. She did feel exhausted. But she wasn't sure she could sleep. She gave him a look that said as much.

He reached out an arm to her. "Come here."

She slid across the bed until she was flush up against his chest. When he wrapped his arms around her, she felt his warmth rush over her, adding to her exhaustion. She relaxed even further into him.

He started lightly tracing his fingers across her back. "Just close your eyes and lets everything slip from your mind." She obliged. She focused on the feeling of his fingers on her back and the soft tune he had started humming. She wanted to ask him what it was, but she never got the chance before sleep overcame her.

* * *

She now knew what it meant. 'Child of ruin'. She knew as soon as she held the book out to open the door. And it was exactly as she had feared.

She had never been one to trust her instincts. They had led her down the wrong path far too many times before. But she did trust Duke. So when he had asked her what it was they were supposed to do next, she did what her instincts told her. She had everyone from this other world, whatever and wherever it was, stand in the necessary positions, and she held the book out in front of her.

When the door opened up to reveal the pit of fog between them, she knew something was not right. But it wasn't until Audrey and William touched that she realized just how wrong everything was. She was overcome with feelings of terror and foreboding. However, she was too concerned with what was happening with Duke to think much of it. He was not okay and it scared her like nothing else had ever scared her before.

But then she closed the door and what she felt was ten times worse than the thought of losing Duke. Her mind was overrun with visions of what she had just unleashed onto Haven. She saw the pain they would suffer and the terror they would have to endure. She was overcome with feelings of sorrow and guilt that she was the person who will have caused all of this.

When the doors closed and the visions subsided, she stumbled backwards. She was only vaguely aware of the pair of arms that caught her and slowly sat her on the ground. She saw Duke's form, blurry in front of her.

"Dave was right," she managed to get out. "We never should have opened that door."

Her eyelids felt heavy. Surely now wasn't the time to sleep. But she was exhausted. Could it really hurt anything to take a short nap?

Besides. Maybe she'd have a good sleep now that the question haunting her mind had been answered. It was one of the answers she had come up with, but it was also the answer she really didn't want to be the right one.

She had brought ruin to Haven.

She had just seen what had just been unleashed on the town. What they were about to go through was something she could never wish on anyone. And yet, in a way, she had done just that. She had wanted to open that door. She had never considered the consequences of such an action. Maybe if she had just spoken about it with Dave first…

She felt a heaviness in her chest and her limbs were beginning to numb. She heard Duke calling her name. She wanted to call back to him. Tell him it was okay. She was just tired and was going to take a nap. Afterwards they'd have their coffee commercial. Wouldn't that be nice?

She never got the words out before his voice and the other sounds in the cave faded and the numbness consumed the rest of her body.

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**AN:**_ So all I can say is that this show better be renewed because they CANNOT leave us with that ending. As for this story, I'm out of show to follow. If people want me to continue, I do have some ideas and maybe even a chapter written up for Duke and Jennifer's future after everything gets worked out and Jennifer's past comes back to haunt her. And will be full of fluff and angst and drama and pain. So if people are interested in that, just let me know and I will start working on it!_


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